Dearest Moon, Querida Luna, Ma Cher Lune... CHECK IT! I need feedback please.<3

[Jay Lovely.]

My dearest Moon, why must you continue to hide
In the darkness from the one who begs to be your bride,
Yet when she comes to find you, concealed among brightly
Shining stars that pull on her attention tightly
To distract her from your beauty, you can’t but caress her
Nor can you deny yourself the chance to bless her
With a radiant light you know she can not resist
As she reminisces on the times she swears you kissed
Her precious lips before an audience of goddesses and gods
Who could only fathom this love to be against all odds?
Mi querida Luna, you look upon her as she sleeps alone at night,
But do you dare pretend to ignore the feeling that causes your heart to ignite
As you look at the expression on her face inviting you to her side
So that her feelings of loneliness, shyness, unhappiness, may slide
To a world of things that shall be forever forgotten as she
Finally becomes the lover of a Moon that even the sun has grown to envy.
Ma cher Lune, can you refuse the truth of the pain her heart feels
To reach your sense of compassion because you hold a list of false appeals
You claim to blind her from seeing what it is you need to be loved
Because you fear that at the end of time you will forget the way she loved?
My dear Moon, I must bring myself to ask you now, is it better
To watch her kill herself because she didn’t receive any letter
Letting her know she can die knowing she didn’t live in vain,
Because your love is the messiah that will save her from pain?
My dearest moon, won’t you please promise me that you will go
And save her poor heart that is dying now to know
It has been granted your acceptance while it swims
In the tears she sheds as she realizes that even her young limbs
Defy her biddings because she thinks about you all through the day
Dreaming until her delicate eyes are able to clearly convey
The deep emotions that allow her to become negligent of
What was a healthy body before she was enveloped by uncertainty of your love?

(Aight, so I just got shot down in a series of entireties by this lady... she disowned my ash bad. Lmao. It's kinda sad... just a little. Lol. But anywayz, I wanna be sure I suck, if I really do that is... Lol. So, this definitely isn't the first poem I wrote since I got thrown into a hole of "u suk" by one of my haters but ayyyyyy I think this is my best so far... maybe not best... but... you know what I mean. Lol. I've been doing this shiz since I was in fifth grade can I really be that bad with all the compliments I've gotten and my new publication? YOU be the judge, please. One of my good friend's who's an english teacher as well always checks out my poetry and shiz and wellz she seems to think it's really good while my Spanish teacher looked like she woulda thrown my poem (on my laptop) at my rejector. Lol. I don't know mayne. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be cocky or shiz with the talk about the whole starting in fifth grade and shiz but that's just to show how real I am with my writing. You feel me? So just drop me a line or two and let me know what it do. Thanks. ~1~ <3 LJ. )